Weekly Police Blotter

Fictional Twin Peaks Sheriff’s Department weekly police blotter for July 7 through July 13, 2026.

Date / Time	Case #	Location	Incident Type	Narrative	Disposition
Mon 07/07 09:13 AM	TP26-07071	Twin Peaks DMV	Fraud / Disturbance	Mothman showed up to Philip Jean-Pierre’s DMV appointment, photobombed his ID picture, and then got arrested for offering him a fake timeshare in Boca Raton.	Arrest made.
Tue 07/08 10:27 AM	TP26-07082	Twin Peaks Whole Foods	Parking Dispute / Financial Crimes	Nessie was blocking the Whole Foods parking spot Philip Jean-Pierre wanted, so he honked. She got out of the lake, called him a Karen, and then tried to convince Philip Jean-Pierre to commit wire fraud against a local credit union.	Investigation ongoing.
Wed 07/09 11:42 AM	TP26-07093	Twin Peaks Post Office	Disorderly Conduct / Fraud	Bigfoot cut in line at the post office, made aggressive eye contact the whole time with customers, and then offered Philip Jean-Pierre counterfeit Dogecoin.	Report filed.
Thu 07/10 01:15 PM	TP26-07104	Twin Peaks	Identity Theft / Embezzlement	Chupacabra borrowed Philip Jean-Pierre’s Netflix password, changed his watchlist to Hallmark movies, and then showed up in one after embezzling $2.3 million from a church bake sale.	Federal authorities notified.
Fri 07/11 02:36 PM	TP26-07115	Wendy’s, Twin Peaks	Counterfeiting / Hit and Run	The Flatwoods Monster cut Philip Jean-Pierre off in the Wendy’s drive-thru, paid entirely in loose change, and then fled the scene because it counterfeited all the nickels in Philip Jean-Pierre’s bathroom.	Suspect outstanding.
Sat 07/12 04:08 PM	TP26-07126	Twin Peaks Community Center / Panera Bread	Disorderly Conduct / Gambling	Wendigo told Philip Jean-Pierre he “really let himself go” at his cousin’s wedding, ate the entire buffet, and then got busted for running an illegal underground Bingo ring out of a Panera.	Arrest made.
Sun 07/13 05:47 PM	TP26-07137	Twin Peaks Business District	Identity Theft / Financial Crimes	Skinwalker wore Philip Jean-Pierre’s face to his job interview, got the position, and then used his identity to take out seventeen payday loans.	Investigation ongoing.